Just Any Other Day

I went to visit Dad today.  I have been sick and in the spirit of not getting Dad sick have stayed away since the announcement until now.

When I walked in the house Dad was reclining in his chair half asleep.  Mom was working at the kitchen counter.  The TV was on.  I have walked into the house and found this scene countless times but today was different.  Dad's chair has been moved a little closer to the table against the wall so he can reach the books and thing he keeps there without having to get up.  On the other side of his chair is another small end table with all the the remotes, various odds and ends and a variety of chocolates and nuts. Things are closer so Dad is comfortable. If I didn't know of my Dad's diagnosis I wouldn't know that anything was different today than any other day.

When I asked Dad how he was he smiled and replied that he feels weak and tired.  Mom said that the other morning after Dad had breakfast and had read the newspaper that he sat down in his chair and said "well here I am again".  He has been so active for his entire life that just sitting around in his chair is a bit boring for him.  Dad is sleeping 18-20 hours a day and isn't eating much.  Mom is happy to leave the chocolate and nuts on the end table because it is something he will eat a little of.

I expressed to Dad that the siblings are worried that he is going to be gone in a month...you are not are you?  He chuckled and said he would stick around longer than that but probably not much longer.  He said he thinks it will be nice on the "other side" but that he is worried about leaving Mom all alone.  She lovingly replied that she doesn't want him to stick around just for her if he is in pain.  There was so much love in that simple exchange of words between them.  

Dad sat up and visited with me and Mom and the kids that came with me.  He talked about who was coming when and the plans for the upcoming weeks.  We talked about the stories that I am recording and had a good laugh about his red inking one of my permission slips from elementary school for bad grammar (story to come).  I did OK keeping my emotions in check until I saw that little twinkle Dad gets in his eye.  He was watching my little kids play on the floor and got that little half smile he gets and his eyes twinkled.  He has always loved little kids.  It is an expression that is impossible to capture in a photo but one that I am so fond of.

I mentioned that I wanted to get a recording of him singing nursery rhymes to my little kids.  His voice singing nursery rhymes is a favorite memory from my childhood.   He said he would try.  He started to talk about the ones he could remember and even started singing some of them.  Mom helped him when the words did not come to mind.

If things go like the Doctor has suggested they may go I am hoping that every visit to see Dad will be much like the visit today.  I would love for all of my final memories of my Dad to be just like any other day.  I left with a hug, a kiss and a whispered "I love you" for both of my parents.